JOKES ON MARRIAGE

 

Marriage is a three-ringed circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffer-ring.

Marriage may make the world go round, but so does a punch in the nose.

Saving a marriage from divorce: the only way is not to show up for the wedding.

 

The teacher asked the child in the class: 'What is the cause of divorce?' The child responded, 'The only cause of divorce is marriage.'

A woman is God’s second mistake – man is the first obviously – and two wrongs together do not make a right.

A woman is entitled to life, liberty, and pursuit of man.

Listen…! Somebody asked Socrates, ‘Do you believe, as some poets do, that a man is incomplete until he is married?’

He said, ‘Yes, a man is incomplete until he is married, then he is finished.’

A young man asked Socrates if he should get married, and Socrates replied, ‘By all means, young man, get married. If you find a good wife, you will be happy; if you find a poor one, you will be a philosopher.’

And he was saying that out of his own experience. So, if you want to get married, do it by all means – I will not prevent you. I never prevent people from making mistakes, because that is the only way they learn. It needs tremendous intelligence to learn from other people’s mistakes – it is very rare. Even if you can learn from your own mistakes, that is something very great! People are so foolish that they go on making the same mistake again and again. So do it by all means, just remain a little aware.

 A circus train had derailed and the car containing the lions had broken open and ten of the animals had escaped. The sheriff quickly organized a posse to track them down. As the men were getting ready to ride off in several directions, he said, ‘Men, it is a bit chilly tonight so before we go, let us go across the street to the tavern and I will stand everybody a few drinks.’

They all gathered at the bar and ordered whisky, except for one man.

‘Why aren’t you drinking?’ the sheriff asked. ‘Don’t you want to get warmed up before we start out?’

 ‘I want to stay warm all right,’ the man said, ‘but I sure don’t want any whisky before I start hunting a bunch of lions because whisky would give me too much courage!’

So just remain a little sober – too much courage can be dangerous!

I have herd once a pot of black coffee fell desperately in love with a bottle of milk. After convincing her that he was a really great guy, they finally got married. Some time passed and he began to dream about having children, inventing such names as ‘White Nescafe’, ‘Cafe Russe’, etcetera. As he told her of his longings, she immediately turned away, saying, ‘No… no, darling.’ He did not see her point, but as he loved her he decided to wait.

After some time he again tried, but once again she did not want to give it any juice. Knowing that he would be cooling down soon, he tried a third time.

‘Why not, my love, why not?’ he asked.

‘Well, ahem…’ she uttered, ‘well… you know… dear… I am sterilized!’

But I do not think you will be able to understand all these jokes. If you can understand all these jokes you will not get married at all! But even people who do not understand jokes have to laugh here, otherwise they look very stupid – very English!