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Transcendence
through marriage
Q
|
uestion 2: I do not really
understand the transcendence of energy through marriage.
However, I had an
experience during the act of sex many years ago. Once after making love we
remained in the same position for an hour or so. I was totally aware. For me it
was the taste of Samadhi. I was very tranquil.
Suddenly my wife woke
up from this state and she felt I was trying to arouse her Kundalini energy. To
this she objected. Apparently she rejected the state.
That time a thought
came to mind. If she had allowed the experience she would have been enlightened
that very moment. But she rejected.
And very strongly I
felt now she will have to go her way and our ways are different. This I did not
tell her.
After that incident
our marriage relation shattered. I had to create a situation to come out of the
relation. I thought if I create a situation for her to be aware that I have an
affair it will be easy for exit from the relationship. A woman can tolerate
anything but not next woman. In the beginning we maintained occasional
relationship. However eventually it slowed and finally it completely stopped. With
this the affair that I consciously created, too ended because the very purpose
of the affair was to come out of the marriage relation. And therefore there was
no need. To me it was a divine play.
Since then she is
quite antagonistic about me. All around she goes on telling the people that we
are not together and that I have illicit relations as so on. In the beginning
it was unpleasant and as I spoke to you it never bothered. I continued my way
of meditation.
I never spoke of
this though I understood the play. But now I need you to throw light on this
aspect and in this light how one can transcend beyond biology.
Can it be possible
one of the partners transcend while the other remains engrossed.
Please throw light
on this.
Taoshobuddha:
Your question is
very relevant and through this the entire methodology is to be explained.
However I will not reveal your identity as name is not important. What is
important is indeed the insights and through this a methodology. These will
help humanity to transcend beyond male-female relations and more so marriage.
You will recall
when you were initiated and I gave you a new name and I told you that whenever
a master initiates someone he looks at your entire past. This become visible to
him and then based on your growth pattern and potentiality a new name is give.
The name represents the path that you will travel in the process of your
spiritual journey.
And when you asked
about the initiation of your wife I had denied saying she is not yet ready, she
is stuck at a point from where it will be difficult to transcend. A master can
help only if there is an opening then his energy-field will work. And in the
absence of an opening if stronger energy-force or tawwazjoh (as Sufi calls) is
send this will harm the person instead of helping her. But I had asked you to
continue to shower your love towards her irrespective of her antagonism. This
is the only way for you to exhaust existing actions or karmas and with
awareness you not create any new karmas.
Before I throw
light on your question it is important to explain certain thing that will help
you to understand the matter.
In every human
being the emotions get muddled. For the same person different emotions arise
intermittently. One moment you may feel love flowing towards your spouse
profusely and another moment instead of love there may be hate, anger or any
other emotions.
Each emotion first
arises in you as thought and when it is expressed it becomes emotions. Thought
are energy-field and so is the emotion. Energy cannot be destroyed. Only its
direction and the form can be transformed. One has to very cautious about this.
That is why spiritual life is very difficult.
You have to be conscious of each word spoken or any thought expressed as
emotions. In the absence of awareness each thought and emotion will create
numerous karmas.
To explain this
further I will take two examples one from Hindu scripture and another from the
life of Buddha. First the episode from the Hindu Scripture!
Hindus speak of
various incarnations of Vishnu. Once the atrocities of a demon king named Bali
was increasing. And it became essential to assume incarnation. So the Lord
Vishnu incarnated as Vaman or midget or dwarf. The demon king was kind and
benevolent. Yet still he created atrocities.
So the lord incarnated as a small boy. Seeing the lord appearing as boy
motherly instincts aroused in the daughter (Ratnamala) of the demon king. A
thought occurred to her – I wish I could breast feed this boy. The lord murmured
– be it so.
In the form of the
boy the lord got the commitment for three foot-steps of land. As soon as the
king made the commitment the lord incarnate as boy assumed his magnified cosmic
form. In two foot-steps he measured the entire land and there was no more land available for the third foot
so the king offered his head for the lord to rest the third measure. Thus the
demon king attained to salvation and was released from the bodily bondage.
However his daughter was filled with anger and she entertained the thought to
kill the boy. Again the lord murmured; be it so.
Whether you believe
in this scriptural anecdote or not certainly it reveals something of changing
emotional nature of human beings. Thus emotions get muddled. And muddled
emotions create problems. It will be very difficult to dissolve such
diversified emotions without awareness.
Now after many
lives Lord Vishnu incarnated again as Krishna the daughter Ratnamala too was
born as demon. Her name then was Putna. As an ordinary person you cannot
envision that Ratnamala and Putna are the same energy-fields. Only an
enlightened one can envision this.
The story
continues. The uncle of Krishna the king of Mathura sends the demon Putna to
kill the baby Krishna. She comes with poison smeared on her breast to suckle the new born baby. Thus
coming with poison smeared on her breast the energy – fields of the thoughts
were fulfilled. And story further continued thus the demon was killed by
Krishna.
Such is the
situation of each one of those who are unaware. Each moment we go on creating
diverse energy-fields through different thought patterns and emotions. This
requires awareness on the part of the seeker and strong-viable energy-field of
the master.
This is one
example. Can you imagine how complex may be the situation as you interact with different
people on a moment to moment basis?
The problem gets
further accentuated. You never like to complete anything. The moment problems
crop up you tend to leave the work incomplete. Look at the situation you are
doing something. Problems and difficulties are natural to come. You are given
intelligence to sort out the problems. So instead of solving the problem you
abandon the problem and its cause as well. This creates tremendous problem. You
start a relationship. Remember you are dealing a human being. Two human beings
have different feelings, minds, thought patterns, and two different egos. When
these interact with one another moments of clash, conflict and difficult
situations arise. When problem becomes too much instead of solving you abandon
the relationship. Like this your life goes on. Remember existence never like
anything to be left incomplete. Anything you leave incomplete you will have to
come back to complete. Do you have an account how many things you have left
incomplete in this life? No you cannot remember. Then there is no way to
remember the many lives that you have lived before.
You are working on
a project. Problem crops up you set aside the file. But then you will dream of
the incomplete project and this will bother you. This is how dreams and many
other hallucinations arise. And when you have to start any file or project you
have to familiarize yourself from the beginning. And you have to start from
where you had left the project. Can you imagine how complicated difficult the
situation may be.
This is how your
life of unconsciousness continues. And then one day when you are living your
life happily suddenly an old file or relationship opens. You meet someone
across life’s road soul recognizes the answering soul turmoil comes. Mind fails
to understand this. This is bound to happen. Your life continues to be a life
of unconsciousness.
To move forward you
need constant awareness. And also you need the capabilities to see your entire
past. In the company of the enlightened one when there is an opening many
things are dissolved in the light of his awareness. In his presence your path
gets illumined.
Russian writer Leo
Tolstoy used to be plagued with a dream sequence of tall boots walking in front
of him. He could not understand why he was having this dream again and again.
When such situation arises you run to the priest or psychiatrist but all in
vain.
A life of awareness
is the only way out.
Now I will narrate
an anecdote from the life of Buddha before I throw light on your question.
Every morning
Buddha will get ready for the sermon and sometimes he will visit a place. This
morning as usual he got ready and left for a place. Instead of reaching the designated
place he reached another village where he was not scheduled to go. His disciple
Ananda was with him. As Buddha came for the sermon crowd gathered and sermon
began. While the sermon was going on a man appeared from the crowd. He came in
front of Buddha and abused and cursed him. Buddha continued to listen quietly.
And when the man looked as if finished Buddha told him if he had anything else
to say. Many times he thought of coming to this village but could not reach.
And now that he is here you should say all that you want to say. At this the
man continued and then finally spit on Buddha. There was no reaction from
Buddha. Instead Ananda reacted and said addressing Buddha, this is not
spiritualism you are such an innocent person who had never harmed any one. And
you are allowing this man to say all these things.
Buddha who was silently
listening to Ananda addressed him. Ananda this man has not said anything to
you. Then why are you opening an account with this man. And when the time will
come to balance this account you will not remember anything. Do you know why I
have come to this place? Buddha continued, I came to this place only because of
this man. Knowing I have closed all my open accounts. Only this account was
open. If I had reacted I would have kept this account open. And now even this
account is closed. I can enter existence without any worry. And I do not have
to assume embodied form again.
Such is the
understanding of buddhas. You are given human life to live full of awareness.
It is the outcome your accumulated actions. Consciously you have to dissolve
your past and then while living life with awareness you do not accumulate any
more actions. When you perform actions with total awareness these never bind
you. Then actions are like dried leaves growing on the tree of consciousness
and are no more needed. Just as when leaves dry and turn gold and drop out
quietly. So too with awareness actions simply drop out of your consciousness
quietly. You attain to freedom.
Such is the life of
the seeker. This is how you need to live your life full of awareness. You live
guided by the light of the being, the light of the secret of the golden flower.
This is what a buddha teaches. And not only have I taught instead all buddhas
teach you how to be aware moment to moment. And Gautama Buddha’s last message
was:
‘Be a light unto yourself!’
Remember all this
and in the back drop of this I will throw light on your questions.
I do
not really understand the transcendence of energy through marriage.
Transcendence
through marriage implies the following things:
1. You clearly
understand the reason of togetherness through the anecdotes of Putna. The woman
represents the totality of cosmic feminine energy and man represents the total
cosmic masculine energy. This is why Hindus claim that bride symbolized Lakshmi
and Bridegroom symbolizes the Vishnu element. And in Tamil Region on India the
symbols of Vishnu and Lakshmi are replaced by Rukmani and Krishna.
2. Two people living
together in intimate relation at the bodily and emotional level. What is the
reason of this? Is procreation the reason? Then you are living animalistic
life. There is no reason to call you a human being. Human beings are the only
creation that is bestowed with faculty of consciousness.
3. You are the seed of
consciousness. But the seed needs the right nourished soil and the water of
bliss. Then one day the seed blossoms into a flower. You come to know the
secrets of the golden flower.
Interaction
between two people in an intimate bond of emotions and the light of awareness
clears your way. You begin to understand the nature and rationale of emotions.
Emotion provide tremendous energy field to grow. Emotions can be sanctified. And
if there is no light of awareness then emotions will play a devil’s role and
you will be denied any peaceful existence.
Then one day lust
dissolves into the ocean of love. The nature of love changes and the traces of
lust begin to disappear. Emotions attain maturity. The life energy that was
moving downwards now starts moving upwards.
There are so many things
happening to the couple that cannot be explained. When light explodes each can
respond in a thousand ways. And each responds to this in his own way as planned
by the existence.
This is
transcendence of existential energy through marriage.
Now the second part of your question:
However,
I had an experience during the act of sex many years ago. Once after making
love we remained in the same position for an hour or so. I was totally aware.
For me it was the taste of Samadhi. I was very tranquil.
Suddenly
my wife woke up from this state and she felt I was trying to arouse her
Kundalini energy. To this she objected. Apparently she rejected the state.
That
time a thought came to mind. If she had allowed the experience she would have
been enlightened that very moment. But she rejected.
And
very strongly I felt now she will have to go her way and our ways are
different. This I did not tell her.
After
that incident our marriage relation shattered. I had to create a situation to
come out of the relation. I thought if I create a situation for her to be aware
that I have an affair it will be easy for exit from the relationship. A woman
can tolerate anything but not next woman. In the beginning we maintained
occasional relationship. However eventually it slowed and finally it completely
stopped. With this the affair that I consciously created, too ended because the
very purpose of the affair was to come out of the marriage relation. And
therefore there was no need. To me it was a divine play.
Since
then she is quite antagonistic about me. All around she goes on telling the
people that we are not together and that I have illicit relations as so on. In
the beginning it was unpleasant and as I spoke to you it never bothered. I
continued my way of meditation.
I
never spoke of this though I understood the play. But now I need you to throw
light on this aspect and in this light how one can transcend beyond biology.
Can
it be possible one of the partners transcend while the other remains engrossed.
Please
throw light on this.
First your sexual
experience. Each individual operates at a different level. It is very rare that
two persons operate at the same level of spiritual growth. Sometimes the level
of growth is complimentary to one another. In such case the journey becomes
like osmosis. And then energy flows from more intense one to the lesser one
until two energies balance one another. Other times the energies remain
conflicting to one another because of cultural or other reasons. The progress
in the first case becomes very easy.
While in the second
case awareness is needed on the part of the two partners. With awareness
understanding comes and then interaction brings emotional maturity. If ego
remains at foreplay then you cannot bring out your point. This is a very
delicate situation. The emotions are at play. If the two partners are open to
light then the light balances the two energies. With ego at foreplay the
opening to the light becomes inoperative. The person gropes in darkness of
ignorant and emotional immaturity without any clue. In such case the one with
opening grows into emotional maturity while the other falters. The gap between
understandings of the cosmic phenomena widens. And out of ego and ignorance the
other cannot accept this.
Such was your case.
The plane of interaction of the two differed. There was opening in you for the
light of the master. In her case although she continued to claim of spiritual
growth but in reality there was none. She continued to claim of her connection
with her master but it was not there. Existence is one synergistic harmony. The
sun gives light to the sacred and profane. In reality there is nothing sacred
and nothing profane.
But the mind
creates division. You respect one and disrespect the other. One master is great
and the other is not. Ego is at play through the instrument of ignorance. The
opening closes. The two may be operating in one act but the inner
understandings differ. It is the light that remains within operating at the
moment when two persons engage in the act of sex will determine the ultimate
results. The results in two persons will differ during the same act of sex. The
one with opening for light will experience energy moving upwards or ascending
while in case of the one with no opening energy will move downwards or outer.
The result of the
same act will differ in the two. This is evident in your experience. For you it
was the experience of satori of Samadhi through sex while in the other the
opposite happened. When two persons engage in the act of sex totally then they
get the fleeting glimpse of Samadhi. Through two bodies are melting into one
another. Through the bodies two energies merge into one another. At the peak of
the experience you experience the state of timelessness. The taste of
timelessness is the first window to Samadhi. It is like the framed view of the
outside. You have opened the window and through the window you are looking at
the sky and its majesty. This is satori or the taste of Samadhi. And then you
come out of the bounden space into the open and suddenly the whole sky is open
to you in all its majesty.
After such
experience you are no more the same person. The old structure is disintegrating
and the process of the new structure is to begin now. When someone experiences
this state through sex marriage is transformed. Sex is no more sex. Instead it
becomes the existential bio energy beyond the finiteness on body-mind realm.
Your spouse could
have attained the same state as you did and it would have been benediction for
the relation but her reaction to the situation was prompted by her ego and
ignorance. She remained in the quicksand of negative energy of sex.
The thought in you
that from now onwards the two lives have to move in different direction is
correct. Your journey of transcendence continued. But not her! This you can see
in the approach interaction and understanding in day to day life.
It seems that she
cannot attain to meditation at all. She has fallen from the realm of meditation
to the realm or ritualistic life. There is nothing can be done. There is no
opening for the light to circulate in her now.
The only thing you
can do to help her along the way is by not reacting to any word or gesture of
her. Remember the understanding of Buddha otherwise you will be opening a new
account. It is very arduous to reach to such situation or state of awareness
that consciously you can close all your account with the women folks. Then then
you will realize that the purpose of male-female relation has attained
fruition. This is the ultimate in marriage.
You do not need to
enter in any relation. There is no need. And even if you enter consciously
there is no sin. Only those acts that are performed unconsciously are sin. When
there is awareness or light darkness cannot grip you.
Let her act as
guided by her consciousness and understanding. If she wants to remain
antagonistic to you and continues to speak ill or unpleasant of you let it be
so. You do not react. Continue to shower your love, concern and care that you
may.
Always remember you
have chosen this woman to be your spouse and no one forced on you. How can your
choice be wrong? When for the first time you encountered this woman and you
experienced the first pangs of love let those be your guiding force. Love never
deceives any one. It is your understanding that creates problems for you.
Change that understanding gestalt in life will change.
Nothing more is
needed to be said now!
Chakras the secrets of Life’s
Blossoming
|
U
|
Most people are born through sex and die from the lowest
chakra, the sex center. There are seven chakras in the body from where life can
go out of the body. The last is on top of the head, and unless you are
enlightened life cannot go out from that chakra.
As you move more and more into the present, inside you
will come across seven lights. According to Hindu yoga there are seven
Chakras. Buddhist calls these phenomena
as seven lights, or seven lamps. As you become more and more detached from the
body, and possessions, and also you are not interested in desires, your energy
starts moving upwards. The same energy that is contained at the lowest center,
at the sex center begins to move upwards.
Indian music is more concerned with Sahasrar, the
thousand-petal or seventh chakra. Western music on the other hand is more
concerned with the sexual center, the Muladhar or the base center. When Western
music overpowers you, you will feel sexually aroused. On the other hand when
Indian music overpowers you, you will feel spiritually aroused and the process
of elevation begins.
Music is a very subtle meditation. The seven notes of
music are concerned with the seven chakras of the body and each chakra has its
own note. If you concentrate on that chakra, you will start hearing that note
arising within your body.
The second chakra has two notes, the third, has three. One
is important, the other two are just part of it but create a harmony. It goes
on becoming a greater harmony, rising higher with each chakra. On the seventh
chakra it is an orchestra. Each chakra has its own form, its own music, its own
taste, and its own smell. The deeper you move inside yourself, the more you
find the whole world, because if it is not within you, you cannot see it
without either. Something has to be within only then you will find the
reflection outside. Something is always needed to correspond.
All this so-called esoteric knowledge about chakras,
energy fields, kundalini, and astral bodies, is dangerous as knowledge. As
experience it is a totally different thing. Therefore never acquire it as
knowledge. If it is needed for your spiritual growth, it will come to you in
its right time, and then it will be an experience. And if you have an acquired
knowledge, borrowed knowledge, it is going to be a hindrance.
For example, Hindu yoga believes in seven chakras, Jain
scriptures mention nine chakras. And Buddhist scriptures say that there are
dozens of chakras. There are only the important ones which have been chosen by
different schools. They do not give any fixed number. Acquired knowledge will
always be confusing and you will not know how many chakras are there? And what
are you going to do with that knowledge, whether there are seven or nine or
dozens? Your knowledge is not going to help instead it can only hinder.
Energy fields, chakras and all esoteric things all are for
experience and not for knowledge. Therefore keep your mind clean of all
knowledge so that you do not expect anything. And when the experience happens,
you are ready to accept it.
It happens exactly like that. There are seven chakras but
they never exist in the same Places for all people. And there are experiences
but they never happen in the same way for two persons. In reality they happen
very differently.
So there is no need to know the physiology of the
kundalini. There is no need to know the chakras. Also there is no need to know
what happens finally because if you know it you will start hypnotizing
yourself, and by and by you will start getting into the ritual. You will create
a kind of dream around you. And when there are many people doing the same
thing, you tend to fall into the crowd-mind. And then you start swaying with
the crowd.
Once awareness has moved in the third eye and it starts
functioning, or becomes alive that is why Hindus call it a CHAKRA. CHAKRA means
a wheel. The wheel needs energy once the energy comes in, the wheel starts
moving. By ‘movement’ is meant that it starts functioning. Then a great
revolution happens in your being: immediately the lower heart bows down to the
higher heart.
The Muladhar chakra has to be relaxed and relaxed from
constipation and from diarrhea too. The Muladhar chakra has to function at the
optimum, one hundred percent, only then energy starts moving.
Energy is needed, and energy is always beautiful. If you
do not know how to use it, it becomes ugly and it goes on running astray. The
energy has to go higher. Sex is the lowest center of your being. But that is
not all. You have seven centers of your being. As the energy moves upwards, if
you know the key how to release it upwards, as it moves from one center to
another, you feel many stages of transformations.
When the energy comes to the heart chakra, you become so
full of love and for the first time you become embodiment of love.
When the energy comes to the third-eye center you become
consciousness, or awareness. When the energy comes to the last chakra,
Sahasrar, you blossom. The season of spring has arrived. Your tree of life has
come to a fulfillment: you become a Buddha. But the energy is the same.
Therefore do not condemn or suppress. The existential energy is to be
transformed. Be more understanding, alert only then will you be able to enter
in totality.
Each chakra has its own colors, so when you concentrate on
a certain chakra you will have certain colors in your dreams and visions. As
you move upwards the colors change. In fact in yoga psychology, a person’s
dreams, fantasies, and visions, can indicate where his energy is exactly.
Sometimes you are deluded by the body. And somehow, if you
manage to go beyond the body, you are deluded by the mind, which is more of a
deluder than anything else.
The first three chakras belong to the body. The next three
chakras belong to the mind. And the seventh chakra is beyond both body and
mind.
Ordinarily, the people who indulge remain in the first
three lower chakras. They hang there. Those first three chakras are MULADHAR,
SWADHISTAN and MANIPURA. These are earth-bound. They are earthly chakras, they
are attracted by gravitation force thus they are pulled downwards.
The next three chakras: ANAHATA, VISUDDHA and AJNA are
sky-bound. Gravitation does not affect them. They are under another law called
levitation. They are pulled upwards. These three consist of the mind. The body
is pulled downwards, mind is pulled upwards. But you are neither. You are the
seventh, which is neither body nor mind.
So the people who indulge live in the first three chakras.
And the people who repress the first three chakras start living in the next
three chakras. But they create a dream-world.
The center around which one’s life has revolved is the
center from where he will depart from this life. The place where he dwelt the
whole life will be the place from where he will depart. Therefore, a yogi can
leave from the agya chakra – or the third eye center, and a lover leaves from
his heart chakra. The life energy of an enlightened man would leave from the
Sahasrar, the seventh chakra his skull will break open as he departs from
there.
When the energy moves upward you become more and more
silent. Silence is the by-product of energy moving upward and tension is the
by-product of energy moving downward.
You will be more and more in anxiety full of anger when
energy moves down. On the contrary you will be more and more silent, quiet,
calm and cool as energy moves upward and inward. And these words downward and
outward are synonymous, and inward and upward are synonymous.
And when you have become silent, that energy is moving
like a flood, it is passing through all the chakras, all the centers. And when
it passes through all the chakras, it cleanses them, purifies them, and makes
them dynamic, alive, and the flood goes upward, upward to the last chakra.
Sex is the first chakra, the first center, the lowest. Man
exists at the lowest. That is why we know life only at its minimum. When the
energy flows upward and reaches to the last chakra, to the SAHASRAR, energy is
at its maximum, life is at its maximum. Then you feel as if the whole cosmos
has become silent: not even a single sound is there. Everything becomes
absolutely silent when the energy comes to the last chakra.
You know the first chakra; it will be easy to understand
through that. When the energy comes to the sex center, you become absolutely
tense. The whole body is feverish. Your every cell is in a fever. Your
temperature goes high, blood pressure goes high, and breathing becomes
haphazard. Your whole body is in a temporary delirium - at the lowest.
At the last chakra the situation is totally different.
Your whole body becomes so cool, so silent, as if it has disappeared. You
cannot feel it. You have become bodiless. And when you are silent the whole
existence is silent because the existence is nothing but a mirror: it reflects
or mirrors you. In thousands and thousands of mirrors, it reflects you. When
you are silent the whole existence has become silent.
There are seven chakras, and the Anahata is – the heart
chakra just in the middle. Three chakras are below it, and three above it.
The three below are Muladhar, Swadhisthan and Manipur.
Those three belong to an extrovert personality. In the West, the majority lives
through those three chakras. And now in the East also, the majority is moving
towards the Western attitude of life. These three chakras are very easily
available. They have a certain given function and you need not work much on
them.
Without them, life will become impossible. They are
survival measures, so nature has not given you a choice between them. From the
moment you are born, those three chakras start functioning. They go on
functioning until you die. The whole life is covered by those three chakras,
and the extrovert person never comes to know that there is anything higher than
these. Sex, money, power, prestige, respectability, name, and fame all belong
to those three chakras.
And the Center of all those chakras is sex. People seek
money in order to seek sex. People seek fame and power and prestige in order to
seek sex. Sex remains the center of the lower three chakras. Sex remains the
center of the extrovert personality. His whole mind revolves around sex.
Above the Anahata, the heart, there are three chakras:
Visudha, the fourth center, then Ajna, between the two eyes, the third eye
center. And Sahasrar, is the last center. It is the center of Samadhi, of
ultimate enfoldment.
Between these two is the heart center. Between the
introvert and the extrovert, is the heart that functions as a door. Heart is a
bridge. Just as sex is the center of the extrovert mind, prayer or meditation
is the center of the introvert mind. But to call it prayer is more relevant.
Between these two when a person is just in the middle, on the fourth chakra, at
the door love springs forth. Love is between sex and prayer.
When sex is somewhat purified, it becomes love. When love
is also purified, it becomes prayer. So it is the same energy, the sexual or
existential bio energy that goes into higher formations.
In the East people have tried to live an introvert life;
they have tried to live above the heart. But both are lopsided. The Western
extrovert mind and the Eastern introvert mind are both lopsided. To become a total
man, one needs the functioning of all seven centers. It is not a question of
choice. It is a question of being capable of living in all the centers without
any conflict. There is none that can create conflict. It is the mind it is we
who create the conflict.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Beyond
Togetherness
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H
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This requires awareness,
and understanding of many things. In the process of its journey each individual
gets lost and fruition never happens. The pain or pleasure remains the outcome.
Transcendence beyond these requires awareness. And unless transcendence happens
one cannot really understand the purpose of relationship.
For the purpose of understanding I divide relationships into two categories.
1.
Static or Blood relationships
This relationship is Static in nature. This is also known as Blood – relationship. This does not evolve or grow beyond to attain fruition. This kind of relationship is infertile. Your relation with father, mother, brother, sister, and children remain the same. As a result the nature of such relationship does not envisage too many variations and changes.
2.
Dynamic or Self–Chosen Relationships
Particularly I am referring to ‘Self – Chosen’ relationships. This category includes male – female relationship within the parameter of marriage or where sex is also involved. Such relations are self-chosen. In this category also comes friendship as this too is self – chosen. This type of relationship I call Dynamic Relationship. The growth depends on your awareness. From awareness evolves your understanding. Your mind, dogmas, belief patterns etc. come to play dominant role.
The basis of each relationship is love and its
understanding. Love remains nonchalant in static relationship. Things are taken
for granted. Nature of love never changes.
However in the dynamic relationship love undergoes through
various stages. It begins from the gross and aspires to attain fruition. In
fact dynamic relationship is the journey of transcendence of love from baser to
the precious.
It is journey from the worldly love to love divine. At its peak love becomes friendliness or the quality of your being. Then it does not remain relationship anymore.
It is this aspect of the relationship that is the concern
of humanity. This relationship is significant in many ways. It is not based on
blood. Yet still it is the basis of all blood relationships. All blood
relations evolve out of this alone.
The existential energy as Shiva and Shakti; or Purush and
Prakriti or yin and yang is at play as the basis of this energy field. In
scientific terms we can say it is the interplay of positive and negative, or
yin and yang energies. The entire process of evolution takes place because of
this interaction. As we are entering into this realm a few things have to be
understood first.
Self – chosen implies the two persons guided by their sub
– conscious and unconscious states of awareness have chosen the other as part
of this relationship. This cannot be wrong when it comes to soul’s journey.
Your sub – conscious and unconscious is part of total consciousness. This
decision cannot be erroneous as far as soul’s journey is concerned. But mind
cannot understand this and creates problems.
Soul seeks evolution from this state. And it wants to
attain freedom from the bondage of body-mind mechanism. It is the sub –
conscious and unconscious that begins this journey. In the process you have to
journey through dark caves of the soul.
These dark caves are created by your dogmas, religious
beliefs and the mind. The moment mind comes to play its role problem begins.
This you need to understand.
You have to learn to trust your initial judgment. As you traverse through these caves many
emotions, feelings etc. emerge and mind fails to understand this for the
continuation of the journey. In the absence of understanding we tend to abandon
the one relation and want to take another course. Thus we remain throughout a
traveler and never find a place of rest. In the desert of Misery, and pain you
experience occasional oasis of pleasure or happiness.
To transcend beyond pain and pleasure and thus attain to
the state of bliss you need to understand certain things.
1. Be honest and
true to yourself, when you enter into a relationship with someone. And also
allow the same to your partner as well.
2. Start dropping all deception, masks, and faces.
3. They have become habit. So unless you drop them consciously and deliberately, they are never dropped and therefore continue to hang around the neck.
And much pain will come this way. For example, you are
going with her and you see a beautiful woman and you say to her that you are
pulled by this woman and her beauty.
A great desire to possess her has arisen in you. You are
honest. Not that you are going to possess her, but the desire has arisen. There
is fear in you. You are caught into two situations.
If you are honest and there is lack of understanding in
the other this will create a serious problem. To appreciate and encounter such
situation is quite natural. In such a situation if you are honest problem comes
and if you are dishonest that too will create problem.
Ordinarily you feel it is better not to say such things to
your woman. Even if she catches you red-handed still you never confess. And she
will catch you many times, because your eyes will show. When you look at
another woman who is beautiful and attractive and suddenly a desire arises in
you. Unconscious is playing its role. You cannot do anything right now about
it. It is natural for such situations to arise. To do anything is possible only
when it has arisen, not before it. But it has arisen now. You can repress it
but you cannot do anything else.
Even if the woman catches you, you would like to pretend
that no, it was not that. You were looking at something else. Do not be untrue.
Then you will be vulnerable to pain.
And start by being vulnerable to pain because everybody
wants to be open for pleasure and nobody wants to be open for pain. And the
arithmetic is: if you are open to pain, only then can you be open to pleasure.
They are directly proportional to one another.
If you are not open to pain you cannot be open to
pleasure. That is why there are so many people in the world, each hankering for
pleasure, and everybody is in pain because they have taken a wrong step from
the very beginning.
And let her also be true, allow her truth. Do not force
her to repress. Allow freedom. By and by you will learn the bitter-sweet taste
of it. It is bitter and sweet both at the same time. And if you can become
available to pain, nobody can prevent you from becoming available to pleasure
or joy. You have earned it. By going into pain one earns and learns how to be
in pleasure or joy.
So just start opening by and by. And there is no need to
do it all of a sudden and too much, at one time? Because that can destroy a
relationship!
Go in small doses and that too slowly and slowly. Just
show a little part of your real face and not the whole face at one time. By and
by let the mask slip. Let the mask be loose. Then one day you can remove it
totally. And she will also feel very happy by and by, because when you start
becoming open, you help her also to become open. It works in a reciprocal way.
She becomes open. You become more courageous.
And when this opening brings pain you will see that it has
brought a totally new quality to pain. It is a quality that is very refreshing.
It is painful and yet cleansing, painful yet worthwhile.
It brings something. It brings integration and some
clarity too. And makes you more aware! Pain always makes people aware. When you
consciously go into it and there was every possibility that you could have
avoided it.
The woman was not with you and you came home and you told
her that a beautiful woman passed on the road and suddenly a great desire arose
in you and you did not know from where. Now there was no need. She was not with
you. You could have easily avoided it. But it is not good to avoid. When you
have given your heart to a woman you have to share everything that arises in
your heart. There should not be anything private. Everything should be shared.
This requires understanding and understanding comes when meditation attains to
fruition.
Pain and pleasure both should be shared. Normally this is
not so. We only want to share pleasure. Purposely I am using the word pleasure
because pain and pleasure go together as pairs of opposites.
This authenticity will bring an intimacy which is not the ordinary intimacy of married couples. Married people are never intimate. They simply pretend to be intimate. Their intimacy has motives in it.
Maybe to pretend to be intimate is good for the children.
To pretend to be intimate is good for one’s own financial affairs, future
securities, respectability in the society. But intimacy is not there. It is
more a formal thing.
It happens always like this in almost all the relations.
There are no moments of silence between couples. As lover and beloved there
have always been moments of silence. Then you could remain silent just holding
the hands together and feeling the surge of refreshing energy. Or you can go on
looking at one another.
Such is the not the situation between husband and wives.
They are always talking – no, no, no quarrelling all the while and they get
silent only when they are angry after the wrestling bout.
You may be fighting with your woman and a friend knocks on
the door. Suddenly everything changes and you start smiling. The mind comes in
and everything is going so beautifully. And just a moment before you were ready
to kill each other! What happened? This is just a social face. You are not only
deceiving the friend instead you are deceiving yourself too.
So I am telling you to move into pain. It is arduous, and
dangerous in the beginning. One never knows what will happen but one thing is
certain that if you can move through pain, pain will cleanse you of many
impurities, of many gross elements in you.
Certainly it will make you more subtle and more aware too.
And through pain you will become available to pleasure also. When one is ready
to suffer pain there is no point in repressing pleasure.
We repress pleasure because we are afraid that if we allow
pleasure to have total possession the pain will also come with it. It is the
other side of the coin. It will come certainly. So people do not go into
pleasure totally! They go very cautiously.
Even while making love people do not abandon themselves.
They remain in control. A subtle control, a remote control, they continue with.
They keep the button in their hand somewhere. If something goes too far and
they are crossing the boundary, they turn it off. But they never go to the very
end of it.
The fear is that if you go too much into pleasure you may
be entering the forbidden territory of pain.
It is always there. And this is the pain.
So start with pain. And if you can be open in pain! And if
you want some time to cry, then cry! Where else will you cry if you cannot cry
before your woman? Forget all nonsense that has been taught that a man never
cries. If a man never cries, he is not a man. Either he is inhuman or he is
superhuman, but one thing certain: he is not man. Cry sometimes. Share your
sorrow, and your sadness. Weep like a child in totality. Crying will clear many
suppressed emotions. Crying is therapeutic.
And the same I am saying to your partner. She has to do
the same. And by and by you will see that a great INTIMACY is arising which has
nothing to do with society. And with that intimacy much happiness will happen.
You will explode into happiness.
But begin with pain, and always remember that everything
has to begin in pain. Meditate together and open your hearts as they are.
Sometimes wrong, sometimes rotten, and other times not worth showing to anybody
yet still show it to your beloved.
In this way you will also help her to show everything. And when all the cards are open you are not even holding a trump card a new kind of intimacy arises on its own accord.
In this way you will also help her to show everything. And when all the cards are open you are not even holding a trump card a new kind of intimacy arises on its own accord.
For me ‘Intimacy’ implies, ‘Before you I will be totally
nude. I will not hide anything.’ That is what intimacy is all about. Intimacy
is not biological nudeness. Intimacy is psychological nudeness.
It is, ‘When you are in the room, I will be as if I am
alone.’ Your presence will not make me repress something. Your presence will
not make me change and show something else which is not there. I will be as
natural as I am in the bathroom when I am alone! Then there is intimacy.
There is a risk in it! One never knows what will come out
of it. But one thing can be said certainly, whatsoever comes will be beautiful.
If separation comes out of it, it will be beautiful,
better, more beautiful than the so-called marriage.
If marriage comes out of it, it will be tremendously
beautiful. If there is existing relationship it will continue its journey for
fruition.
Only so much for now!!!
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