RELATIONSHIP THE MIRROR

Relationship – the Mirror

                                                                  TAOSHOBUDDHA

Question

You said relationship is the mirror. In the process of relating the other becomes a mirror. And when you look into this mirror of relationship you can really see how far you have progressed inwardly. Why is it so difficult? Why do people tend to move out of relationships so easily or avoid out rightly? Please explain.
Taoshobuddha responds:

You have to understand the very nature of relationship. Also there is a way to relate. We tend to give too much importance to relationships rather to the way of relating. Relating is the outcome of meditation. When someone attains to meditation he learns the art of relating.

Relationship is indeed the mirror of one's inward growth. Relating is the meditative way of living. You see people around you, claiming to be meditators but when you look into their lives there is no bliss overflowing either through their living or through their words. This is a sad plight. Hardly ever you really see someone who is emotionally mature.

When you begin to relate or enter into any relationship there always remains the fear of commitment. It is because of this that all problems arise in life. You find yourself incapable of
making decisions. Remember it is only through decisions that you attain to consciousness. Also when you take the responsibility of your decisions and stand by these that you become more and more conscious. In this process you attain to crystallization. This brings sharpness and maturity as well. In the absence you remain dull.When you look around you will observe people moving from one master to another, also people move from one temple to another. This does not mean that these persons are really seekers. It is so because such persons are incapable of making decisions. And this is the way to avoid commitment. Something like this happens when it comes to human relationships. You go on moving from one person to another. And you think that you are really a great lover. This simply indicates that you are not a lover indeed. In fact you are really avoiding any deep commitment. What really happens with commitment is that there comes deep involvement, and also the problems relating to this. In this process you have to face problems and also the pain associated with it. So you try to play safe.

And this you do by not going deep into with anyone. There remains a fear that if you go deep you may not be able to come out of the relationship. Whatever be the nature of relationship, be it worldly or beyond you never go deeper into the relationship. You want to remain on the surface. On the surface you only see the duality, the superfluous. You can stand on the sea shore and
say that you have seen the ocean. On the surface you only see the waves. Neither the wave neither is the ocean nor is the sum total of all waves ocean. Waves arise on the surface of the ocean. Waves are multiple and the ocean is one. In order to know truth you have to dive deep into the womb of the ocean.

There lie the treasures. So too on the surface of the relationship you only see the superfluous. To discover Truth you have to dive deep into the relationship. Your fear of commitment, problems, hurt etc., keep you away from going deeper into any relationship and thus discovering the inner treasure of serenity, bliss, ecstasy, and oneness. All that keep you away from going deeper is because of EGO. Such an experience is that what you call as God Realization or Self Realization. In fact it is wrong to call it a relationship or experience. But mystics are always in difficulty. What they actually want to communicate is beyond words. And words are incapable to encompass all that is. Because all that is, is really magnanimous. Beyond words! Hindus call this as ANHAT NAAD - THE UNCREATED.

If you go deep into any relations then there is the fear that you may not come back. And if you go deep into somebody, then that person will also go deeper into you. Such a phenomena is proportionate. Because if I go really deep into you this is the way that allows you to go deep into me. It is a sharing. The fear remains that this can entangle you. And will certainly entangle you. This brings pain. So you want to play safe. This you do by meeting on the surface only. All your so called relationships are superfluous and remain on the surface. Husband and wives may remain for a long time together- 50-60 years together. And they say there is too much love. But in reality it is not love. What actually happens when too people stay together for sometime there happens TOGETHERNESS. And this is mistaken for LOVE. Love is the shadow of meditation. When meditation happens there comes the experience of inner oneness. And as the fragrance of meditation Love springs forth. Such a phenomena is rarely seen.

What you really see around are meetings of two bodies not the souls. Such are hit and run love affairs. You tend to run before you are caught.This is what you see around. People have become so juvenile, and childish that they are losing all sense of maturity. By maturity I do not mean physical maturity. I mean inner or spiritual maturity. Maturity comes only when you are ready to face the pain of your being. Maturity comes when you are ready to face the challenge. And remember there is no greater challenge than love. Remember to live happily with another person is the greatest challenge in the world. You can live peacefully alone. It is very easy.

However, it is very difficult to live peacefully, joyfully and meditatively with another person.
More so when the someone else is your wife or husband it becomes almost impossible. What happens then is that now two ego collide, two worlds collide. It is also the explosion of two differently understood worlds. Then how can the two opposite poles meet? How can the two be attracted to one another? They are totally different, almost opposite, polar opposites. Then the meeting happens only on the surface and there is no question of the merger of two worlds, two
egos. Two worlds, two souls can merge only when the egos dissolve.

Therefore it is very difficult to be peaceful and loving in a relationship, because that is the challenge. And if you escape from that, you escape from maturity. If you go into it with all the pain, agony, and all that a relationship brings and still continue delving deeper and deeper into it, and
then by and by the pain becomes a blessing, the conflict becomes a synergistic harmony. And then by and by, through the conflict, and friction, crystallization happens. Through the struggle you become more alert, morE aware.

The other becomes like a mirror to you. You can see your ugliness in the other. The other provokes your unconscious, brings it to the surface. And when you are aware then you continue
to grow in maturity. And what then happens... no words can encompass the magnanimity of it. It is like a dumb has now tasted the sweet fruit. He cannot describe the taste. Only through silent gestures he can speak of the inner happening.

You can only come to know all hidden parts of your being through the mirror of relationship. These are to be mirrored, reflected, in a relationship. This I call easier, because there is no other way — but it is hard. It is hard, arduous, because you will have to change through it. And when you break the mirror how can there be the reflection of the hidden parts of your being, your ugliness, your ego, etc. And when these are not reflected there is no way to improve or let the inner beauty to manifest.

So too when you come to a Master there comes an even greater challenge before you. Because then you have to decide quickly. The problem is greater because you have to choose the unknown, and unknowable. Also your decision has to be total and absolute. This is not a child's game. And once you have made a decision there is no return. This brings so much conflict. So the easiest way is not to go on changing continuously. This is the way to avoid yourself. And you will remain soft,
babyish. And maturity will not happen to you.

Only the unknown and the unknowable should have a call for you because that you have not yet lived; you have not moved in that territory. Move! Something new will definitely happen then only your silent gestures.....!

Therefore, O fool always go for the unknown, whatsoever be the risk, whatsoever be the outcome, and you will grow continuously. But in all circumstances you go on choosing the known and then you move in a continuous circle with the past again and again coming to the surface. You go on repeating it. And in this process you have become a CD that is moving in a repeat mode. So think through it. And decide. The sooner you can do so, the better. Postponement is really stupid. Tomorrow you will also have to decide, so why not now? And now is the precise moment. And you think that tomorrow you will be wiser than today? Do you think that tomorrow you will be livelier than today? Do you think that tomorrow you will be younger than today or fresher than today? Will tomorrow ever come?????

Firstly tomorrow never comes. And tomorrow you will be older, you will be less courageous. Also there will be depletion of energy. But you go on thinking that tomorrow you will be more experienced, more cunning. As time move you are coming closer to death. The wheel of time is moving. And soon frigid claws of death will descend and seal your humble fete. Then you shan't have time to mend. And you will start wavering with more fear. Never postpone for the tomorrow. And who knows? Tomorrow may come or may not come. If you have to decide you have to decide right now. Because, transformation can only happen now and here!